Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

lol..top scorer shall be rewarded.

MINISTRY OF EDUCATION

KCSE POST- ELECTION MID TERM EXAM – PAPER ONE

Answer ALL the questions below
NB. Dubbing/rigging will lead to automatic disqualification

English
Question1.
Give two different meanings of the word rigging (2mks)

Question 2
Write an Essay in no more than 200 words on Gitobu Imanyaras visit to State House vividly recalling how the first lady sent him out (20 mks)

Question 3
Mary gave birth to a baby boy and named him KIRAKA after making out with a Kikuyu, Kamba and Luo, What is the meaning of this ACRONYM: KIRAKA
(2mks)

Mathematics
Question 1
With ODM having won 101 parliamentary seats and PNU 45 and ODM-K 16, what is the probability that after tallying ODM got 4.3million votes? (20mks)

Question 2
Two boys, one has six oranges and the other one, what is the probability of the boy with one orange sharing it with 8 others (2mks)

Chemistry
Question 1
Using your pipette determine the PH level in orange as compared to that of the banana?
(2mks)

Kiswahili
Question 1
Watu watatu (ODM ,PNU, ODM-K) walikua kwa mbio. Mtu ule alikua katika nafasi ya pili alimpita ule alikua katika nafasi ya tatu. Mtu wa pili yuko katika nafasi gani? (Alama 2)

Question 2
Tunga sentensi tano kwa kutumia ngeli ya ‘Rig’. Kwa mfano: Chama cha PNU kilitumia mbinu ya rigging kushinda uchaguzi bandia. (Alama 2)

Question 3
Fupisha sentensi kwa kuondoa maneno ambayo hayatajiki na tumia Kiswahili sanifu
‘Na wale ambao wanachoma nyumba ai jameni, bado tutajenga. Natutazidi kujenga wakichoma. Msije mukafikiria kwamba utachoma nyumba ya mtu nawe utaendelea kuishi, hapana. No way. Na yule anayechoma nyumba za watu huyo ni crazy. Na yule anayemwambia mwengine achome jamani hiyo ni crazyness, no haiwezekani’.
(Alama 10)
Physics
Question 1
Calculate the amount of energy in Kilojoules kJ lost in guarding an empty park with 500 policemen at a temperature of 30degrees centigrade (2mks)




Question 2
Calculate the speed of a teargas canister projectile launched somewhere in Kibera at a constant speed of 200miles in 2 seconds use the formula: velocity = distance
time
Question 3
Given the coefficient of friction is 0.09, what is the canisters speed at the base of the incline? (10mks)


C.R.E
Question 1
1. Judas betrayed Jesus as Kalonzo ‘waiver’ betrayed ……………….. (2mks

state of confusion

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more
than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

tips for new small business

Save up as much money as possible before starting.
All too often, people go into business without any savings, exclusively using loan money from friends, banks, or the SBA. They except to be able to start paying the loans back right away with their profits. What these business owners don't realize is that it can take months or years to make a profit. And once a lender discovers a business isn't as profitable as expected, the lender is likely to call in the loan or refuse to renew it for another year. Often new business owners then have to take out home equity loans or use credit cards to pay off their loans (which puts their home and credit rating at risk). For more information, see Business Financing FAQ.

A better plan is to save up as much of the needed investment money as possible, including your living expenses for the first year, or even two. Odds are that your business won't be profitable for one to two years. Even if you get plenty of business coming your way -- and your customers pay you on time, which isn't always a sure thing -- you'll want to be able to invest most of that money back in the business for space, equipment, advertising, and insurance needs.

Start on a shoestring.
Think small. Don't rent premises if you can work somewhere else, and don't hire employees until you can keep them busy. (You can hire independent contractors or temps in the meantime.)
People who start their small business on the cheap, often in a garage, den, or some other scavenged space, and create their first goods or services with more sweat than cash, have the luxury of making their inevitable rookie mistakes on a small scale. And precisely because their early screw-ups don't bury them in debt, they are usually able to learn and recover from them.

Protect your personal assets.
When you go into business for yourself, you are usually personally liable for all judgments and debts that the business incurs. This includes business loans, taxes, money owed to suppliers and landlords, and any judgments against the business as a result of a lawsuit. If you don't protect yourself, a creditor can go after your personal assets, such as your car and your house, to pay for these debts.
While you can protect yourself against lawsuits by buying business liability insurance, this won't help you with business debts. If you will be running up big debts, consider forming a corporation or limited liability company (LLC). Just one person can form either of these types of businesses.

Understand how -- and if -- you will make a profit.
You should be able to state in just a few sentences how your business plans to make a substantial profit. For starters, you need to know your costs: how much you'll spend purchasing inventory, paying the rent, compensating any employees, and covering what is likely to be a surprisingly long list of other costs. Then you can figure out exactly how much you need to sell each month, for how many dollars, to cover those expenses and have an adequate profit besides. These numbers are all you need to create a "break-even analysis."
Make a business plan, no matter how short.
Understanding your profit numbers and creating a break-even analysis is the first step in making a business plan. For most small companies, the key portions of a business plan are the break-even analysis, a profit-and-loss forecast, and a cash flow projection. (Projecting your cash flow is key and will make or break your company: Even if your business is getting plenty of work or selling its products, if you're not getting paid for 90-180 days, you're not going to survive unless you've planned for it.) With a cash flow spreadsheet in place, as well as a profit-and-loss forecast, you can tinker with your business idea and improve it before you start -- and continue to use them after you start.
Creating a business plan also allows you to determine what your projected start-up costs are (how much money you'll need to save) and what you marketing strategies are (how you'll reach customers to make sales). If you can't make the numbers work on paper, you won't be able to make them work in real life.

Get and keep a competitive edge.
Building a competitive edge into the fabric of your business is crucially important to long-term success. Some ways to get this edge are by knowing more than your competitors, making a product that is hard or impossible to imitate, being able to produce or distribute your product more efficiently, having a better location, or offering superior customer service.
One way to hold on to your competitive edge is to protect your trade secrets -- confidential information that gives you a competitive advantage in the marketplace. Examples of trade secrets include customer lists, survey methods, marketing strategies, and manufacturing techniques. To protect your trade secrets under the law, you need to take steps to keep the information confidential. This includes marking documents "Confidential," using passwords to protect computer information, using nondisclosure and/or noncompete agreements, and limiting access to employees with a reasonable need to know the trade secrets.

Another way to keep your competitive edge is to react quickly to bad news. Once you see that your business faces some kind of adversity, you need to come up with a plan to deal with it immediately. This may involve moving your offices, introducing a new product or service, or developing a better way to reach customers.

Put all agreements in writing.
The laws of your state require you to put some contracts and agreements in writing:
Contracts that will last longer than a year.
Contracts that involve the sale of goods worth $500 or more.
Contracts that transfer the ownership of copyrights or real estate.

Even if not legally required, it's wise to put almost everything in writing, because oral agreements can be difficult or impossible to prove. This includes leases or rental agreements, storage agreements, contracts for services (such as consulting or electrical work), purchase orders or contracts for goods worth more than a couple hundred dollars, offer letters of employment, and employment policies. Get in the habit of getting and giving receipts for all goods, services, and deposits, regardless of how much.

Hire and keep good people.
Your goal should be to hire and retain truly excellent employees -- not just reasonably competent ones. A highly competent and truly enthusiastic employee is at least two and sometimes even three times as valuable as a person of average skills.
To create a stable and happy workforce, it's essential not only that your employees (and independent contractors) believe they are being fairly treated, but that your business is worthy of respect. Employees and contractors who like their work will represent you well on and off the job. And customers will more likely be loyal to an upbeat business -- and are more likely to recommend it to their friends.

Pay attention to the legal status of your workers.
When you hire workers as independent contractors, make sure they shouldn't really be taxed as employees. The IRS can impose substantial penalties against you for not withholding taxes and paying taxes for a worker who is really an employee. The IRS and other agencies are likely to think that a worker is an employee rather than an independent contractor under any of these conditions:
The worker works full-time or nearly full-time for you.
The worker doesn't work for anyone else.
The worker provides services that are an integral part of your operations.
You control how the worker does the job and provide detailed instructions and training for the worker.
One way to help avoid trouble is to have the worker sign a written service contract, or independent contractor agreement.

Most employees you hire will be "at-will" employees -- subject to being fired at any time and for any reason (except for illegal motives such as discrimination). It's important to preserve your at-will rights because they protect you from having to prove that you have a valid business-related reason to terminate an employee. Don't make any promises to prospective or current employees that you are offering a permanent job or that they will lose their job only if they perform poorly, because this will limit your ability to terminate the employee for other reasons, such as personality conflicts or finances.

When hiring an at-will employee, have the employee sign an offer letter that makes it clear that the employment relationship is at will. Except for high-level executives, you shouldn't have employees sign an employment contract -- this can limit your ability to alter the terms of employment as your business needs change and subjects you to higher legal standards.

Pay your bills early and your taxes on time.
In the real world, where a reputation for keeping one's word is a hugely important asset, a good strategy is either to pay your bills up front or pay them early. You gain trust, build a positive credit profile, and have a built-in safety net if things go badly. These benefits outweigh any interest you might earn by holding onto your money until the last possible minute.
Most importantly, pay your payroll taxes on time, especially the portion that you withhold from your employees' paychecks. The IRS and state tax authorities can hold you personally liable for these taxes, plus stiff penalties, if they're not paid. This is true even if you operate your business as a corporation or LLC or if your business goes bankrupt -- you will still be personally and legally on the hook to pay back payroll taxes.

Capitalism...socialism

I've just painfully realized that one of my close friends was only associated with me because he believed it would be of benefit to him in the future..an opportunity to furthen himself.
why do some fellows still think opportunism is a means to an end? si ati kubuild connections ni mbaya but c'mon dont take it to an obvious, unrealistic extreme.Building ones self first always yields better company than sucking up to the successful and wealthy.

geez

wat cud be worse than stdying nuclear physics than studying it in a language where three words can mean a whole phrase.
these russians are like the wahriahs they'll sell you anything, imagine this guy came to mee\ with a nokia 8800SE this cell sweety costs more than your kidneys in the black market of organs yet this gold-toothed foul breathed son of a vodka wanted only 150$? tempted as i was i had to decline you never know cud be bugged then the next minute its KGB at my door with there .45 kalashnikovs and horrib looks.

NEVER MOCK GOD!

im a little on the spiritual side today
so heres one..
Make a personal reflection.

Very interesting, read until
the end...

It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7): "Be not deceived; God is
not
mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

Here are some men and women who mocked God:

CHRIS MURUNGARU:
In Kenya , when some govt ministers ganged up against a
State-sponsored
draft constitution in 2005, the then minister for Internal Security
Dr .
Chris Ndarathi Murungaru said: "Hata shetani mwenyewe anajua hii
katiba
ni nzuri (even satan himself knew it was good for the country.
God loved the country so much that, although the rebel ministers
campaigned using rhetoric words, the govt failed to deliver a
constitution
for the country. he could not have allowed it to have a constitution
that
has been ratified by the devil.
Murungaru was later to be sacked after being implicated in grand
corruption. He has also been banned from setting foot in the US and
UK.

JOHN LENNON:
Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he
said:

"Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue
about
that. I am certain. Jesus was OK, but his subjects were too simple,
Today
we are more famous than Him" (1966). Lennon, after saying that the
Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

TANCREDO NEVES (President of Brazil):
During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes
from
his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency.
Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made
President,
then he died.

CAZUZA (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet):
During a show in Cane cão ( Rio de Janeiro ), whilst smoking
his
cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:
"God, that's for you."
He died at the age of 32 of AIDS in a horrible manner.

THE MAN WHO BUILT TITANIC:
After the construction of Ti tanic, a reporter asked him how safe the
Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said:
"Not even God can sink it"
The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic.

MARILYN MONROE:
She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He
said
the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what
the
Preacher had to say, she said:
"I don't need your Jesus."
A week later, she
was found dead in her apartment.

BON SCOTT:
The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:
"Don't stop me, I'm going down all the way, down the highway to
hell.."

On the 19th of February 1980 , Bon Scott was found dead, he had
been
choked by his own vomit.

CAMPINAS/SP IN 2005
In Campinas, Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a
friend.
The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the
drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter - holding
her
hand, who was already seated in the car:
"MY DAUGHTER, GO WITH GOD AND MAY HE PROTECT YOU."
She responded:
"ONLY IF HE (GOD) TRAVELS IN THE BOOT, CAUSE INSIDE HERE IT'S
ALREADY
FULL"
Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal
accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what
type of
car it had been, but surprisingly, the boot was intact. The police
said
there was no way the boot could have remained intact. To their
surprise,
inside the boot was a crate of eggs, none were broken.....

Boot means trunk .

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other
name
that was given so much authority as the name o f Jesus. Many have
died
but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive.

JESUS!!!