Saturday, December 23, 2006

Luo love letter:

To my dearest, sweetest, fondest, fantastic, extra-ordinary, paragon of beauty a.k.a. Rosiey. I hope this missive meets you in a fabulous state of metabolism, if so doxology. My principal aim of writing this letter to you is to gravitate your mind towards a matter of global and universal importance to my ego which has been troubling my soul. The matter is so important that even as I am writing my adrenalin is rocking 100 on the Reitcher scale, my temperature is rising, the wind vane of my mind is pointing North, South and East at the same time while the convex mirror in my eyes has only your divine image at it's focal point.

Indeed when I sleep you are the one in my medulla oblongata and I dream about you. I went out to sea in my dream and I saw you; surrounded by H20 and you, your majesty rose from the abdomen of the sea like Yemoja, the avatar of beauty.

Oh, Lord be with us! We are thy servants! As you can see, I am in a serious dilemma and I want you to take my matter seriously. At this junction what our Lord said on this matter is germane. He says we should ask and we shall be given, we should seek and we will find, and that we should knock and it will be opened unto us. I am- on this 24th day of the tenth month in the year of our Lord, two thousand and three - asking, seeking and knocking at your door. My prayer is that thou should open so that thy servant can enter. I want to wake up in the morning and see only your face. I want you to be the only sugar in my tea, the only fly in my ointment, the butter on my bread, the gray matter of my system, the oxygen in my lungs, the planet of my universe, the wall clock of my room and the conveyor belt of my soul.

I pray that you realize the gargantuan nature of my predicament. If you refuse, my life will be like tea without sugar, like a snail without shell, a Xmas goat without a horn; in fact I'll become an orphan. What is life if I can't wake up in the morning and behold your face? You model of pulchritude, patiently created by God on a Sunday morning before he went on a deserved holiday. Please Lizzie, let me be your Romeo. Make me your Adam oh my Eve, for you were made for me. Shakespeare said it all: If music be the food of love, play on. I want to emphasize, universally and responsibly, that you are love itself. You are the metaphor, oxymoron, thesis, antithesis, irony, gerund, conjunction and the adverb of love. Let me also say that the geography of your body is a permanent alleluia. Your body exudes not ammonia, urea and iodine - You are too beautiful for that! What I see in your body is milk and honey.

At this juncture brevity is the soul of wit. A stitch in time saves nine. Procrastination is the thief of time. An opportunity once lost can never be regained. Make hay while the sun shines. All that glitters is not gold. The journey of a thousand miles begins but with a single step. What God has put together let no man put asunder. To be a man is not an easy task even if God's time is the best. But time waits for no man. A man without love is like a fish out of water.

I know you are a sagacious girl. If you like the veracity of what I am saying, please fill the attached form and let me have it pronto. The mark at the bottom of this page is a kiss from me to you.

I remain, Your beloved, faithful, loyal, One and only admirer.

Extractineous Hanington Bannington Charlie Omolo mac'Ojuang'.
Ja seme


Gathara said...

LOL. The septentrional inclination of his mind is most interesting. I wonder how many females have been seduced into being his contubernals by his eloquence. I only hope the experience was not a meupareunia.

However, I must say that the preantepenultimate paragraph is quite somnabulent. I found myself a sudden victim of yawning and pandiculation.

Abby said...

I saw this letter some time back and some lines still keep me in stitches... Thanks for the reminder. Happy holidays.

G said...

@ gathara

im loving your words!!!


your most welcome

to all;

happy holidays...

be good...

stay safe and live large!!!!!

Ana REx said...

If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

And even begging to be with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

Thanks again.